There is an incredibly beautiful woman I have been running into in my neighborhood over the last few months. We exchanged words on a few occasions and last week I invited her over for coffee. To make a long story short, we ended up having sex. Now she won't return my calls and is completely avoiding me. We have not spoken since that day. What's up? 

Used and abused in L.A.

Dear Used and abused,

This is an excellent example illustrating the danger of sleeping with someone before the time is right. It can be a tricky situation when you meet someone and there is instant chemistry. In this type of situation, it is natural human instinct to want to develop an intimate relationship with that person.

Sometimes, this premature intimacy is the main reason the relationship does not proceed any further. Often, after a one-night stand, some men see women as "cheap" or "easy". She may fear that you think of her this way and in hindsight, may regret rushing into sexual relations with someone she barely knows. In my opinion, this is the most likely scenario.

Another possibility is that she is not looking for any type of relationship with you. She got what she wanted, has no interest in future contact and has moved on. This girl is obviously not the one for you, so understand that although it was fun, the ride has come to an end and it is time to move on.

Any time you sleep with someone before a secure foundation for the relationship exists, you run the risk of getting hurt. Keep this in mind the next time you meet a girl and there is an instant spark; the flame may not be burning so bright the next morning.

I have been dating my boyfriend for over a year and things are going great. He is a loving, nurturing man and takes good care of me. My problem is that after we finish making love, he suddenly becomes distant. He needs to get up and go watch TV or read something, and more or less ignores me for a while. Once we finish having sex, I need him to be loving and affectionate because I feel very vulnerable. The way he acts makes me feel cheap and used. Why does he do this to me?

Angie

Dear Angie,

The same way you feel vulnerable after sex, he too feels vulnerable. He has just finished sharing an intimate experience with you and has opened himself up to you. By making love to you, he allowed you to get as close to him as any woman possibly could.

In the moments after intercourse, he may feel the need to take a few minutes to himself, to sort out the emotions he may be feeling at this time, or just for a breather. Do not feel like it has something to do with you or your relationship. This is a common reaction that many men experience at some point in their lives. 

Although I understand that you need affection after lovemaking, perhaps you can make a compromise. Tell him how you feel, and how much it would mean to you if he would pay attention to you once the deed is done. But do not hold him hostage for hours. Spend a reasonable amount of time together and then let him have the space he needs. If he is able to make an adequate effort, show your appreciation.

A great way to show your appreciation is to do something nice for him, such as cooking him his favorite meal. Feed him a nice meal, and if he wants to spend the next three hours watching football, leave him be. This is a great way of saying that you appreciate the fact that he is trying to make an effort for you and in return, you give him what he needs as well. Reinforcing the desired behavior is the best way of encouraging him to repeat this behavior in the future.

My best friend constantly brags about how his girlfriend uses her vaginal muscles to squeeze his penis during sex. He claims this gives him more pleasure and that she can make him have an orgasm anytime she wants. Is that true? How can I teach my girlfriend to do that during sex?

Missing out in Seattle

Dear Missing Out,

Your friend speaks the truth and is a lucky man. Yes, it is true that women are able to squeeze and contract their vaginal muscles, and this can increase pleasure for their partner as well as themselves. This muscle is just inside the vagina and along the pelvic floor, and is known as the Kegel muscle. This is the same muscle that is used to start and stop urination. Strengthening and toning this muscle will help increase sexual pleasure for both of you.

There are some Kegel exercises she can do to strengthen and tone this muscle. After locating the Kegel as described above, tell her to try squeezing and flexing the muscle. She should start by flexing it quickly, then releasing, and she should repeat this procedure ten times.

Next, she should hold the muscles for three seconds, relax for three seconds, and repeat ten times. She can do this anytime and anyplace. Eventually, she should be able to work her way up to 100 ten-second contractions per day. The feeling for you will be a tighter fit and will give the impression that she is hugging your penis with her vagina.

For her, she will be able to hold your penis tighter and make it rub against the areas that feel the best for her. If she follows these instructions, you may soon notice a remarkable improvement in your sex life. Good luck and if you find any other ways of strengthening these muscles.