How many times has someone told you to “just be yourself” in order to attract women?
It sounds like “mom advice,” but this way of thinking is actually reinforced year after year through movies, specifically romantic comedies.
There’s a tiny problem with just “being yourself” and expecting women to fall in love with you or begging to have sex with you…
It’s a load of crap.

Yet that tired old line—and many like it—continue to trip up guys new to the game. They expect women to behave like they do in the movies; flawed but with a heart of gold, just waiting for the right guy to sweep them off their feet.
Well I think it’s about time we did away with that toxic nonsense for good. You and I are going to take a look at some of the most common romantic comedy tropes. Then—one by one—I’m going to show you why they’re BS, and how they can negatively impact your sex life and relationships.

1. That girl you hooked up with in the club’s bathroom last night could be the love of your life.

Look, kudos to you for pulling off a one-night stand or setting up a friends-with-benefits arrangement. If that’s what you want, then more power to you.
But falling for a fling isn’t normal.
There’s nothing wrong with a one-night stand, but try explaining how you met to your parents.
“Oh, we bumped into each other in a bathroom at 3 am last month. I can’t remember which day it was, sorry.”
Hollywood teaches us to overlook glaring personality flaws and accept people no matter what—just look at Pretty Woman where prostitutes are just waiting for someone to make an honest woman out of them.
That line of thinking is naive and damaging because it teaches you to ignore your instinct when it comes to choosing high-quality women. Treat single-day lays like single-day lays, not the future mother of your children.

2. You should find a woman who “challenges” you.

“Challenge,” as in a combative, domineering woman.
Hollywood seems obsessed with the idea that it’s up to a man to tame this type of girl. This woman’s rallying cry is Marilyn Monroe’s overused quip:
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”
How profound, right?
Don’t be a martyr; let someone else deal with that headache. No self-respecting man wants to be challenged by a woman, whether she’s a friend, sex partner or wife.
The problem here is that when a girl challenges you, that usually means she doesn’t have any respect for you whatsoever. Calling you out in public, belittling you and making rude jokes at your expense are all signs of disrespect, not quirky personality traits.
And once you’ve lost a girl’s respect, you can say “so long” to sex.

3. Your female friend will have an epiphany and suddenly realize she’s in love with you.

Starting in high school, most men learn early on to fear the dreaded “friend zone.” The friend zone is very real, but Hollywood’s take on the phenomenon is completely backwards and, frankly, dangerous to your attempts to get laid.
You’ve seen the movie before. Tom has been best friends with Kate since childhood. Kate goes through a bad breakup. Tom comforts Kate, they kiss by accident, Tom and Kate fall in love and have passionate (missionary) sex.
Excuse me, I just got a little sick.
Tom and Kate’s fantasy land doesn’t exist. If you’ve been hoping the cute girl from accounting you’ve been meeting for brunch every Saturday will slip you a handwritten love note this week, it’s time to wake up.
Hollywood loves the friend zone scenario because it plays to the frustrations of many viewers. It’s a feel-good fantasy that’s meant to fill you with hope, but it’s complete BS.
If you are in the friend zone, that’s because the girl you’re lusting after already decided you aren’t sex or boyfriend material. Don’t let yourself be an emotional sponge—move on to greener pastures ASAP.

4. You should rely on fate to play matchmaker, or wait for a happy accident to find a woman.

How many movies have you seen where the guy and girl magically run into each other after an impossible series of events?
“Gee whiz, I never expected to run into ANOTHER doctor/humanitarian/dog-lover/chef/sex fiend at this hour! Good thing our poodles got their leashes tangled up so we could bump into each other!”
We suspend our disbelief when we watch movies, but look at how ridiculous the situation would be in real life.
The same line of thinking can ruin your chances at getting laid, too. Guys think they need to wait for the perfect moment to approach a girl; maybe she looks like a bitch, or your head hurts, or she might have a boyfriend.
I know I’ve made these excuses before, but that’s all they are—excuses. You can believe in whatever you want, but don’t believe the hype when it comes to fate and attracting women. You’re in control here, nobody else. Either she’s into you or she isn’t. It’s that simple.

5. You and your girl will always have simultaneous orgasms every time you have sex.

More hilarious than dangerous, but still worth mentioning. Because romantic comedies can’t be filmed like XXX-rated pornos, we can excuse them for portraying sex in such a boring light.
But how many movies have you watched where the main love interests cum at exactly the same time, collapsing with giggles into each others arms?
Doesn’t happen. Your girl doesn’t EXPECT it to happen (and if she does, it’s time to cut her loose).
Is it possible? Of course. But it also takes the fun out of sex. Instead of focusing on having fun, you’re calculating little equations in your head, trying to find the optimal velocity and force to orgasm at the same time as some girl you just met at a Starbucks.
Luckily, we live in the real world. Not The Notebook.

6. You should let women make the first move, and let them take charge in a relationship.

I don’t know how this myth got started or why it’s popular, but here we are.
The biggest offender in this category is “the broken man.” In these movies, the guy has usually just broken up with his girlfriend (she was usually caught cheating) and he’s on the mend. The guy meets a new girl who finds his vulnerability endearing.
The new girl drags him out of his comfort zone, eventually building him into a better man (and making his ex jealous in the process). If you’ve seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall, you know exactly what I’m talking about.
Why is this a big fat lie?
For one, women aren’t attracted to whiney saps who aren’t over their ex. Wearing your emotions on your sleeve is a surefire way to kill attraction before you even have a chance.
The other reason this premise is a lie is because women don’t LIKE to take the lead. Women feel much more comfortable letting you make the plans. If you don’t believe me, try asking your next date this question:
“So, what do you feel like doing tonight?”
Or even better:
“What do you feel like eating for dinner?”
I can almost guarantee your answer will be along the lines of “Um, I’m not sure” or “I don’t care, you pick.”
So why does Hollywood think the average woman wants to take the lead in finding a man? We may never know.

7. If a girl rebuffs your advances, the best thing to do is try harder.

Couldn’t be further from the truth. Yet we see it time and time again; if your girl breaks up with you, just stand under her window with a boombox at midnight and she’ll take you back on the spot.
Ignoring the fact that endlessly asking the same girl out over and over is annoying, let’s focus on this try-hard mentality and how it affects YOU.
One of the most costly mistakes a budding Casanova can make is to get tunnel vision, meaning you’ve set your sights on that one perfect girl and you will stop at nothing to make her yours.
That’s putting all of your eggs in one basket to the extreme. Why? Well, here are the outcomes:

1. After months of pressure, the girl finally caves and agrees to a pity date. She flakes on you twice, then finally meets you. She spends the entire date texting a guy she’s actually attracted to. She hesitantly gives you a hug at the end of the night and doesn’t return your desperate texts.
2. She never agrees to go out with you. You’ve wasted untold hours on a single lead that was never going to bear fruit. You feel defeated and are hesitant about pursuing other women in the future.

Notice how there’s no happy ending?
Ah, but there is. The third alternative:
You divide your efforts by flirting with three different girls this week—a smokin’ hot personal trainer at your local gym, the cute bartender who lives across the street, and the quiet culinary student your friend introduced you to.
The student stops returning your texts after a couple days. You’re bummed out at first, but with solid text game the other two girls are really digging you.
You set up two dates for Friday night, expecting at least one of them to flake. Surprise, Ms. Crossfit is “sick” and she can’t make it. No big deal. You have an awesome time with your new favorite bartender and make it back home for some extracurriculars.
You check your phone the next morning. Turns out you might have a new yoga instructor—the trainer was actually sick last night. She just texted you and wants to meet for drinks tonight.
Maybe that’s fiction, but isn’t it a hell of a lot more realistic than Hollywood’s version? AKA stand outside in the pouring rain playing some cheesy mixtape?

See Through the BS

The problem with movies is that once you’ve seen enough of them, fiction becomes difficult to separate from the real world.
Well, it’s time to ignore the tired old narrative every summer about a nice, dorky guy who wins over a Colombian supermodel with his accounting skills.
If you’re new to approaching women, I guarantee your judgment is clouded by at least one of these myths. And trust me, meeting women is a hell of a lot harder when your head is full of terrible advice.
If you’ve had a string of bad approaches or feel like your game is off, take a bit to reflect. See if any of these myths have gotten in the way of you meeting women. If so, promise that you’ll stay away from the cheesy rom-coms until you get back on track