My girlfriend and I have a great sex life. Both of us enjoy it very much and have sex every time we are together. But there is a problem. I really enjoy the sex more when I please her. The only way I can bring her to orgasm is if she is on her stomach and I am playing with her clitoris while having sex. Is there something wrong with my performance? Is there anything I could do in other positions that could bring her to orgasm? I really need to know because I really want our sex life to be more exciting. 

Just Wondering

Dear Just Wondering,

Let me start by saying that your girlfriend is a lucky girl to have a man so concerned with her enjoyment. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your performance, rather, it's a function of the way women orgasm. 

Many women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to experience orgasm. Studies show that women are three times more likely to climax when the clitoris is stimulated. The clitoris, whose sole function is to create pleasure, has a greater density of nerve endings, making it more sensitive than the vagina.

There are a few positions that many women repeatedly report as being useful for enhanced clitoral stimulation. You have already discovered the most popular one; another one is with the woman on top. In this position, she can lean forward and rub her clitoris against your body. 

There is a modification of the missionary position known as the Coital Alignment Technique. This involves the man positioning his body several inches higher than normal. This allows his body to rub directly against her clitoris. This position will require the man to use a movement akin to rocking, as thrusting becomes very difficult. An added benefit for men is that it will make them last longer, as well as increase pleasure for their partner. 

While using different positions may help, communication is extremely important, as I tell all my patients. Being able to openly and honestly tell your partner what you need and what feels good will improve your sex life much more than any particular position. Also, there is no one magical change that will dramatically alter the quality of your sex life; it is a process that the two of you must work towards together and as a team.

I'm currently in a relationship with a woman who I care for very much. My problem is that she works in a bar as a waitress and dresses very sexy. Guys are constantly hitting on her every night, all night long. It drives me crazy! She tells me I am the best man she could ever ask for. I'm trying my best to deal with this, but it is hard for me. Do you think I'm doing the right thing by even being in this type of relationship? What should I do? 

Jimmy at home and worried

Dear Jimmy at home and worried,

You guys seem to have a good relationship; it would be a shame to throw it away over something that you may be worrying about unnecessarily. You have to trust her, or else you will definitely lose her. You can't blame her for something you are scared she might do. 

Love is about faith and trust; if she screws up, then she was obviously not right for you. At least you will be able to honestly tell yourself that you gave this relationship your best shot and it wasn't meant to be.

Also note that since you are somewhat uncertain about her loyalty, it is very important for you to use condoms, just in case.

I started seeing this girl about two months ago, and things are going pretty well between us. I'm not really looking for anything too serious, but I'm having my fun. Lately, she's been freaking out because she missed her pill and we had sex without using a condom. She's always talking about it and is always asking me if I will be around to raise the baby. I don't get it. We don't even know if she's pregnant yet. I'm trying to be supportive, but she is very moody and I am tired of putting up with her crap. The whole idea of having a child with her makes me uncomfortable. Help! 

Going Crazy

Dear Going Crazy,

First thing's first, you need to get her to calm down and not overreact. The more you stress about this, the worse your relationship with each other will become. This is a time when the two of you need to be there for each other. Try to keep in mind that you may be going through this for nothing.

It is normal to be scared but until she has a pregnancy test, both of you need to relax. Chances are she is not pregnant. Women can only get pregnant when they are ovulating. A woman normally only releases an egg once every 28 days. This release usually occurs about 14 days before the start of her period.

Sperm can live inside a woman for 3 or 4 days waiting for an egg, while an egg can live 1-2 days waiting for sperm. This means that there are only a few days when she can actually get pregnant. You need to calculate when she was ovulating before you start panicking, but a pregnancy test is still in order.

Furthermore, she may be late for her period simply due to the fact that she is very stressed out over the whole thing. She is probably not eating or sleeping well, which also contributes to a change in her hormones that delays her menstrual cycle.

As for you, you must understand that this is one of the hardest things for women to go through. Although you did not mention your ages, pregnancy in an uncertain relationship can be a very trying experience for women of all ages. Be supportive of her and try to put up with her "crap".

It is a good idea for the man to help the woman remember to take her pill. The next time she forgets a pill, make sure she takes two the next day. You mentioned that things are generally pretty well between you guys. As you should already know, with the good comes the bad. Life is not always a bowl of cherries, so be a man, stay by her side and get through this together and as quickly as possible.

I am currently seeing a woman who never brings me over to her place. We come to mine all the time, but she says she doesn't like her apartment and that it is too far out of the way. It was fine at first but after four months, I'm beginning to wonder what is going on and it's starting to bother me. Is this normal? 

Confused

Dear Confused,

When a person does not want to bring their partner into their home it is usually because they have something to hide. It may be possible that she is married or sharing the space with somoene she doesn't want you to know about. Another possibility is that she is not ready to share that part of her with you. Some people consider their homes a very private place, and are picky about who they bring into it. She may also be living with her parents and is too embarrassed to tell you. 

Give it some time and let her get comfortable with you. I strongly advise you to keep your guard up. There may be something strange behind her secrecy, but don't jump to any conclusions just yet.