What's the best thing for a man to do when he makes eye contact with a woman at a bar or in another social setting?

Let's talk about eye contact, and what to do after you've made it.

Here's the deal: There are a few things that are dead giveaways to a woman that you're a big-time wuss and not worth her time.

Five of them are:

1- Can't maintain eye contact
2- Have slumped, submissive posture
3- Fidget nervously
4- Give away your power
5- Look for attention and approval from others

Of course, there are quite a few more examples of little things that women look for to make quick decisions about what kind of man you are, and instantly know whether or not you are worthy of a second thought.

Now, as you've heard me say a million times, these "decisions" all happen on an unconscious level. Women don't look at a man and say to a friend, "Well, he maintained eye contact when I first looked at him, then he held his head up high in a dominant posture, so I'm going to give him a chance."

No way. It's an instant feeling that women get.

They use these little body language cues to instantly size you up, then respond instantly.

So what should you do if you're standing one foot away from her when it happens?

The rules don't change.

If anything, it takes more composure and inner strength to look a woman in the eyes if she's standing a foot away.

In this case, it's even more important to not look away.

And what to say?

Try saying, "I just couldn't help noticing you... (pause)... staring at me."

That's funny.

Or say, "Do you always maintain such strong eye contact? Or only with guys like me whom you can't help maintaining it with?"

Try anything. You're in the right place. I mean, you don't even have to expend the energy to walk over and start a conversation!

Even "hi" is better than walking away.

Once you get over your remaining fear of the unknown, and you realize that you're in control of your life and your results, you'll begin to realize that situations like these are great opportunities.

Why nice guys don't get the girls, and how long to chat before asking her out..I know there are a lot of guys out there who are nice, smart and have their act together, but don't attract women. Why is this?

First of all, these guys aren't alone. I know that there are a lot of other men out there who are thinking, I'm a nice, stable, intelligent guy, and I should be able to attract women.

You must realize that women don't really care if you're a nice guy. "Nice" doesn't light up their emotions and make them feel a gut level attraction.

What does make them feel it? You guessed it: teasing, humor, unpredictable behavior, and that magical combination of being cocky & funny.

I heard a great theory once: Too many of us men were raised by our mothers, and not our fathers. Or we were raised in a household where our mothers dominated our fathers. In either case, we learned how to please a mother, not how to attract a lover.

Do yourself a favor, and think for a moment about what it would be like to be an attractive woman in your mid-20s who is approached all the time by "nice" guys who want to take you out and bore you with conversation about the news and weather.

Now ask yourself: "What kind of guy would instantly get my attention and cause me to feel an attraction to him?"

Women like the kind of personality that I prescribe.

They like it the same way that us guys like firm, young bodies and beautiful faces. Think about it.

How long should a guy spend chit-chatting on the phone with a woman before he asks her out?

As little as possible because the more time you spend talking at the very beginning (when getting her e-mail and number, while on the phone setting up the next meeting, etc.), the more likely you are to screw it up.

Don't waste time!

Getting her e-mail and digits should take three to five minutes or so. Setting up a place to get together should take about the same.

 I'll do another of my wonderful translations for you:

You call up and say, "Hi, it's Irwin from last night calling, how are you? What are you doing? Oh, doing your hair, really? Cool. So, that was some band last night, huh? Pretty crowded bar, huh? Oh, sure, you need to go? Well, will you call me back later? Okay, great, talk to you then."

What she hears: "Hi, I'm lame and uncreative and I am interested in you, but I'm nervous and don't know how to ask you out so I think I'll just talk about some lame, boring, mundane things, and hope that maybe you'll pity me and offer to meet me sometime."

Are you with me?

You need to call up and say, "Hey, I don't have long to talk, but I wanted to touch base and say hi. I'm going to be busy today and tomorrow night, but let's get together Saturday for a cup of tea and some stimulating conversation..."

Bang, done.

If you really want to use the advanced tactics, read my book and learn how to use the "friendship frame" to disarm her at the end of the conversation.