If you are here reading this, chances are you still have strong feelings for your ex, and want him or her back. I’m the first one to say, if you still love someone, then fight for your relationship. Too many people give up just because getting your ex back is hard.

But sometimes, we hold onto someone or something for all the wrong reasons. And some of us even know that the relationship is bad for us, and have been told so by several friends and relatives but we still hold on when we should be letting go.

If any of these apply to you, please think again as to why you are holding onto that relationship. May be your neediness and clinging is causing an obsession with your ex.

1. The relationship ended because you worried too much, were overly jealous and became too controlling and needy.

2. When you think about not having your ex in your life, you feel like your life is over.

3. Constantly monitoring your ex to see what he/she is doing is consuming most of your time. Try as you can, you just can’t help yourself.

4. You suffer from terrible anxiety and fear which can only be relieved by re-establishing contact with your ex.

5. The thought of your ex with someone new sends you into panic mode, and makes you feel inadequate and worthless.

6. You were very unhappy in the relationship and felt that it was better not to be together, but now that you are broken up, you want your ex back so bad.

7. You are willing to do anything and everything your ex says he/she wants you to do, if that will get your ex back.

8. You keep telling yourself how much your ex loves you and how much he/she misses you, even when the reality is that your ex hasn’t contacted you in weeks and even when you make contact, he/she doesn’t show much interest.

9. The main reason you want your ex back because right now it hurts so much and having him or her back in your life will make it better.

10. You have a pattern of staying too long in bad relationships.

If most of the above apply to you, you have lost the capacity to direct your own life, no wonder you feel so out of control. To move toward recovery, your first steps must be to recognize that you are “needy and clingy” and then try to work on why you are the way you are in the first place.

If you do not work on the neediness and clinging, your efforts to get your ex back are a distraction and a waste of time at best. At worst, your are extremely vulnerable to emotional abuse by a selfish, narcissistic and manipulative ex.