Men and women are different. No kidding. Yet some, in an attempt to equalize the sexes, would mask those differences and claim that at heart, a human being is a human being. The militant feminist movement of a bygone era was once the chief propagator of the myth.

While I would agree that people in general are subject to the same moral imperfections, I take issue with anyone who would seek to remove the delineation between man and woman. Yes I agree that women should receive equal pay for equal work, so spare me the hate mail. And yes I agree that women should be treated with respect. Anyone who has read one of my past articles would know that.

The point is that we should embrace the harmony as well as the discord generated by our differences. There is a wonderful symmetry there.
Men Can Be Pigs
The catch is that there are some differences that prove more difficult to manage (consider yourself warned -- the gender generalizations begin now). Men for example, can behave like boors.

We act, from time to time, as if we're one generation removed from our primordial antecedent. Our corporeal functions are sources of amusement. We can be loud. We can be visceral. We are oblivious. We are insensitive.

Men celebrate a small victory with a grandiose display of arrogance but seek to cover up a colossal defeat. We are proud and protective of our terrain. In the presence of other men, we applaud and encourage said behavior. It is the bond that unites us. It is an affirmation of our masculine conceit. The problem is that it drives some women crazy.
Too Much Control
I state some women because there are some who embrace the principle of gender separation. These women want a man to be a man, and giggle in delight when they behave like one.

One woman I dated reveled in her role as the submissive female in the relationship and was hesitant to protest when I behaved like a lout, which believe it or not, did occur from time to time.

At first I basked in the freedom I had been granted. No matter what I did, she insisted I adopt the dominant role. The sexual advantages were superb and the relationship locus of control was in my perpetual grasp. But as time wore on, the situation began to degenerate. I had ceased to grow as a man.

I knew from past experience that I needed a challenge, and here I was being spoon-fed. The malevolent joy I took in having her apologize for my mistakes had turned into guilt. And that was the beginning of the end.

The blame was to be shared for the relationship collapse. As men, we have to be aware that some of our more prominent differences need to be unleashed when appropriate. That may be never. The mistake I made was to showcase my "friend" behavior in front of my girlfriend. And in turn, she should be blamed for her tacit approval of said behavior.

Hey, your woman's to blame too...



A Wake-Up Call For Women

You read right. For once, I have leveled a directive at the fairer sex. If your woman is silent in the face of inappropriate behavior, it is akin to giving you a green light to ignore her in the presence of your friends, or play video games instead of taking her out to dinner.

If she lets it slide whenever a common courtesy is withheld, then she becomes an accomplice to your bad manners. That is not to suggest that you should slack off and treat her like garbage.

You have to respect your partner and extend her the same consideration you expect in return. Never use her silence as an excuse to persist in leaving the apartment a mess, neglecting to call or denigrating her friends. You owe her better than that.

If your woman has been trained to be meek, you have an added burden to bear. I have had my share of aggressive, assertive women so I can speak about both sides of the spectrum. If the opposite is true in your case, you could be walking all over her without realizing it.

Her body language may tell part of the story but if she remains silent and neglects to point out ways you can improve as a man, forget about being "reformed." Both partners need to do their share.
Encourage Her To Speak Up
The secret is to get her into the habit of speaking out while the crime is being committed. The worst way to correct bad behavior is to bring up the problem after the fact or worse yet, during an unrelated argument. As a priest would say, speak now or forever hold your peace.

I once was informed from a former flame that I was not affectionate enough with her in front of her family. She felt instead that my focus was directed at pleasing them, rather than her. While her point was valid, it came two years too late.

I let her know that I respected her feelings but at the same time, I reminded her that I was not a psychic friend. Some women forget that men are not born mind readers. Men are culpable of the same assumption as well.

I was honest with my girlfriend at the time when I told her that I needed her to spell everything out to me in detail. "Talk to me like a child," I said. Why the secrecy? If as men we are endangering the relationship with questionable manners, should we not be informed in order to prevent ill will from developing? This is based on the supposition that you have done your part to eliminate a possible breach in relationship etiquette.
Equal Responsibility
A relationship should be a system of checks and balances. When we as men are given free reign and can operate unchecked, the relationship has no hope in hell of survival. The onus has to be on the man as well as the woman.

As men, we have to try and control the masculine impulse that compels us to act like jerks every now and then. Be a man -- do not relinquish your identity. But be sensitive to the interplay between your behavior and the expected feminine response. Keep your radar on and keep your foot away from your mouth.