Nothing can doom a relationship faster than catering to the expectations of family. This is never more accurate than when the family in question belongs to your significant other. We are all in tune with our own family and have developed a personal defense mechanism to cope with the pressure they send our way with regard to relationship matters.

But what about when you step onto foreign soil and tread into the realm of her loved ones? Holding a relationship together is difficult enough without having to deal with the mental anguish of what her parents expect of you.

The problem is the same as with any other piece of advice I attempt to dispense while perched on my modest soapbox. It is one thing to talk the talk and another to walk it. Trust me, nobody can claim to be a greater authority on dealing with the family of a girlfriend than I.

Over the years, I have seen it all, from a manic-depressive mother to a possessive older brother to a joined-at-the-hip twin sister. No matter who the perpetrator, however, the golden rule is universal and effective. In order to maintain your sanity, you must resist making a concerted effort to appease or impress her family and listen to your heart.
What Do They Want From Me?
Family expectations can run the gamut from grandiose and obscure to petty. Regardless of the category though, even a minute amount of pressure can send our hearts racing. Men often walk a very thin line in the courtship process.

Although the modern world has witnessed the advent of apparent female liberation, the burden of steering the relationship is often placed square on the shoulders of the male. You will not hear me complain about the latter, however.

I point it out to prove that the protective instinct of family kicks into gear in far more aggressive a fashion with regard to females. Spare me your e-mail about grown men who still live at home under the watch of a doting mother. I know they exist somewhere.
To Commit Or Not To Commit
The fact of the matter is that however you slice it, men by tradition have to run a gauntlet of family members before gaining acceptance in the hearts and minds of those who matter most.

This can be a rewarding and wonderful process for many men. I myself have experienced a fabulous rapport with the family of a girlfriend that strengthened the relationship. But there is a negative side to the process as well. For countless men, it is akin to an inquisition, replete with disastrous consequences should they demonstrate an improper level of commitment or respect to the female in question.

Do they want you to go slow or get married tomorrow?


An unrealistic expectation of commitment is, in fact, the most common with regard to the family of a girlfriend. They either expect you to take it very slow or want the two of you to settle down yesterday. Can you ever hope to win this incessant game? Of course not, because no matter what you do to win her mother over, she will remain restless until that ring is on the finger.

Likewise, no matter how many times you sit down and have a heartfelt conversation with her father, he will still cringe at the thought of you making it with his little princess. Which, of course, you plan on doing later that night. Sorry Dad. The cycle is endless and cannot be stopped. You can only hope to contain it.
Is She Lost In The Shuffle?
Here is what I tell any man who is jumping out of his skin to please a family member. Are you willing to lose your relationship because of it? The answer has to be "no" because the intention, while misguided, is (in the end) to secure a better standing with the girlfriend. Or at least it should be, unless you plan to bilk her parents out of their fortune or something illicit to that effect.

What a lot of men fail to recognize is that the very action they take to assuage the fears of a nervous mother or protective uncle will come back to haunt them. Think of the time you take to impress her family as energy you neglect to put into the relationship.

In time, the well will run dry and you will have to do some serious damage control. Because at the end of the day, most women resent an obvious ploy to score points with the family. It may win her over after the first few encounters, but if you spend every family dinner chatting with everyone except her, your brilliant plan will backfire.
Do Nothing, Yet Win Their Favor
The key to success is to follow a Zen model of behavior. By this I refer to inaction in order to achieve a desired outcome. Or perhaps in the case of your relationship, action directed at another source. That source would be your girlfriend, in case you were lost.

You read right. Forget about her family! All loving parents crave the same thing for their child. Call it a proverbial notion of happiness or a sense of peace, but the desire is universal. So make your girlfriend happy if you can. Spend time with her, talk to her and work on the relationship together.

If she is happy, her parents and loved ones will follow suit, unless they have an irrational distaste for you that is beyond your locus of control. The point is to let your girlfriend sell you to her family, which should be a slam-dunk if you do your job.

The burden to respect and treat her family in a proper manner is still there, but the pressure to be the perfect mate should disappear once you apply it to your girlfriend and her alone. So in the end, remember that if you love her and she's happy, chances are her family will learn to appreciate that. Enjoy.