Question: I found my soul mate. She’s perfect! Only problem is…she’s married.  Every time we say goodbye after a few stolen hours together my heart breaks knowing she is going back to her husband.  The three of us work for the same company.  I can’t move to another state or find another job that pays as good. This little secret is killing me. What’s the point in feeling so connected with someone you can’t share your love with? I think there’s something sadly wrong there somewhere! Any advice on coping with this moral dilemma would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks in advance.


Travis:I won’t try to dismiss your potent feelings as a ‘crush’ or an ‘infatuation’ or a ‘passing fascination’ — if you feel it’s love, then it’s love and I won’t dispute that. But remember she’s married to someone else and that means that she’s not yours – at least not right now. What’s making you feel so miserable is not because you love a married woman, what’s making you miserable is that you have expectations and those expectations are not being met.

Is she your soul mate? I don’t know. There are all kinds of different soul mates and not all soul mate relationships have to translate into a sexual or romantic relationship.

If you truly believe in your soul that this woman is your soul mate, then what I advice you to do is to quit obsessing over the fact that you can’t be with her in the way your ego wants and instead try to figure out why she came into your life. Is it to remind you that you need to reassess your life and the choices you make? Is it to bring to light things in your love life that may need work? Are you attracted to the idea of having her because she’s unavailable? Are you attracted to her because you are afraid of being in a relationship and she posses no threat? Do you have these feelings because she reminds you of what your soul really longs for? To ignore why you have feelings for this woman would be ignoring what your soul is trying to communicate to you.

Obsessing about the fact that you can’t be with her may be keeping you from finding a wonderful, unattached woman out there-who could be looking for you too- someone else who has the same terrific qualities you find attractive in this other woman.

I would not advised you to move especially if you have a job you love and has lots of career prospects. What I’d advised you to do is start looking at this woman with different lenses – the lenses of your soul. Treat her with respect and friendly affection and treat those she loves (husband and family) in the same way. You may end up with a friendship that goes on for decades. And remember, lives change over the course of decades. You might find that you've fallen out of love with her. She may find herself single again someday. Who knows what the future holds? But for now, do the right thing – which is also the wise thing to do.