As men, the burden is on us to make a good impression. We take the initiative and the risk when we go after a woman and court her, as ancient as the term is. But court we do, because as the hunter, we have no choice.

If we do not chase, we stay home alone in front of the television with beer as our sole comfort. Eve
n if your last name is Clooney or Cruise, you still have to stick your neck out there and take a chance at rejection when you find an attractive woman you want to date.

Now before the accusations fly that Lawrence Mitchell is an advocate of relentless pursuit of women, let me qualify my stance: As men, we have to instigate contact in order to pique the curiosity of our "target." However, if we do our job and impress her, we can step back (we hope) and expect her to make a move of her own.
Playing With The Sexes
Such is the modus operandi in the infinite interplay of the sexes. As men, our primordial urge is to seek out a partner, in the most active sense. Women, on the other hand, can sit back like HR Managers at a Fortune 500 firm and peruse a list of applicants before choosing a worthy candidate, or candidates, for the "job."

Your first date is the interview. Yes, I know that she is under a certain amount of scrutiny as well and that women are on their best behavior on that first date too, but for the most part, the onus is on the man to create the magic. Just look for proof of that on your television set, with the influx of reality relationship shows. We are under the microscope, if not the gun, my brothers.

And so you pass the first date test. You were nervous and keen to impress, but you did it. Dinner was good, the atmosphere was nice and she had a good time. You made her smile and you were a perfect gentleman.

As a result, her HR department extends an invite for a second encounter. Score. But now, rather than meet with a rep at the bottom of the corporate food chain (go with the analogy here, people), you have to pass muster with the Vice President of HR. A more intricate procedure? Yes.

On to date number two..


Second Time Around
Most men with half a brain can do well enough to earn a second date, or interview, as I prefer to call the second most important date in your relationship. On the second date, you have that wall up again. You have to choose with care how much information to divulge, what information to divulge and what to ask her, because so many men are premature in their actions and assumptions in the face of the opposite sex.

The second date is when we do it most because we figure we have it made to have come so far. So far? Please. Keep that screen up boys and filter whatever you say and do; you have a long way to go before you close the deal.

To recap: The first and second dates are interviews. In order to secure a long-term contract, or relationship, you have to be on your best behavior. You have to project an aura of confidence, respect for her and choose your words with care.

Think of the process as a minefield you have to traverse, in order to win her interest and perhaps even her heart. But again, that may be premature. For the sake of argument however, we can assume that your second date was a success. You were able to chip away at her emotional "wall" and render her vulnerable for a brief moment. Nice.

The physical attraction became more intense as well, which is good for us men, but can be deceptive in the long run. You want to win her body, yes, but her heart as well. Hence the importance of the third date.
Third Time's A Charm
I love the third date. My "wall" is down, I speak with less restraint and I take the odd leap of faith. I flirt without reservation (but with class) and feel comfortable enough to share my real desires, opinions and thoughts. The way I see it, the "job" is mine if I want it.

The first and second interviews were a success because here I sit across from the object of my attraction for a third time. If I fail to take a chance now, I may blow it. And that is why the third date is the one to aim for. The one where you display the personality that your best friend, mother and father know and love. The one where you can act crazy, silly and spontaneous in front of her without a care.

The first and second dates were about the impression and for show. The third date is all about substance; where the nature of your character is the key and not the nature of your wardrobe; where your humor will get you farther than your hairstyle and where open and honest conversation may lead to a night of passion.

And finally, here's the stance you take..


What To Do
So what do you do on the third date to foster a deep relationship to last for all-time (you know you want it)? Well, just as the emphasis of the third date is on freedom of expression, the location and nature of the date should also be left open to interpretation.

As men, we orchestrate and plan elaborate first and second dates with one end goal in mind: Put on a major show for her and blow her mind. To a certain extent, this is a ruse and a game; fake but necessary in order to court and spark interest.

Some women, not all, expect the show and demand it in order to win their heart (and more of course). If you give her fireworks and impress the hell out of her, the chance of a third date is very good. But then what? You have to come strong with more than just lobster and a balcony seat at the opera.

You have to showcase a million-dollar personality to go with the glitz and glamour of your elaborate date plan. A smart woman may swoon over your expensive taste but if you fail to deliver on the third date and come across like a generic everyman, your shot at love will miss the mark.
Are You Mr. Original?
With that in mind, be different. Take a calculated risk and start to unravel the mystery that is you. The third date is the perfect occasion to do so. The reason you are both in this position is clear: There is an attraction to explore and the possibility of a serious relationship.

The first two dates set the table. The third date is the springboard upon which to take it to the next level. That may mean in a physical sense -- as a gentleman you should assume "no sex" on the first two dates but be prepared for it on the third -- or at least in an emotional sense. Who knows? At the end of the night, after an intense conversation about your hopes and dreams, you may both collapse into a passionate embrace and declare your love for each other.

Or she may rip your pants off and demand you take her now. Whatever the outcome of the third date, it will determine the tone of the relationship and serve as powerful symbolism to represent how you feel about each other.