1. You get handsy. “When a guy pushes his partner’s head down during [oral sex], that’s the biggest complaint I hear from women,” says Ava Cadell, a doctor of human sexuality and author of NeuroLoveology. Despite what you see in porn, a lot of women aren’t cool with you working her head like it’s a football and you’re running a play-action fake. Instead, “Give her compliments on how good she is at giving oral and how beautiful she looks while she is doing it,” Cadell advises. 

2. You fail to provide notice. Few women enjoy having an unexpected surprise launched into the back of their throats. “It's polite to ask a lady if she enjoys swallowing and to give her some notice before ejaculating,” says Cadell. If your partner’s not interested in sampling your spunk, ask if you can finish on her body somewhere, Cadell suggests. (Repeat: her body, not her face.) “Don’t assume she’ll love whatever you want to do with your semen,” Cadell adds. 

3. You don’t reciprocate. A lot of men think they’re entitled to oral, but that they’re under no obligation to return the favor. Wrong, Cadell says. If you’re not heading downtown with regularity, don’t expect her to either, she says. 

4. You neglect proper grooming. Pubic hair traps unpleasant odors, Cadell says. Sporting a full nest also isn’t the most attractive look in the world—for men or women. (Refer to 1970s porn for examples.) “A little trim or even a total shave will give her better access that looks and smells more appealing,” Cadell explains.

5. You’re too slow. If it takes you 10 minutes or more to orgasm from oral, your partner may shy away from that type of marathon fellatio. More foreplay before the act can help you finish quickly. Or, if she’s been down there for a while, give her a break by masturbating or telling her to masturbate while you watch,