Do you feel like you're always the first one to try to fix your relationship?

Chances are good the answer is "yes." However, you might be surprised to learn that your woman probably thinks she's the "fixer" too!

A recent showed that 83% of women say they're the primary fixers, while 70% of men identify themselves in that role. Why can't we see that our partner is working hard to improve things between us, also?

Mars Venus research shows that couples create a lot of misunderstandings by misreading their partner's intentions. The truth is, in healthy relationships, both partners should be trying to "fix" the relationship. What we need to learn is how to recognize our partner's efforts, and how men and women communicate differently.
Recognize The Problems
The root of the problem appears to lie in a common communication blunder -- understanding why we talk. Unfortunately, most people assume that men and women talk for the same reasons, when if fact they don't.

Women primarily talk to explore their feelings, while men primarily talk to find solutions.

When a woman tries to talk to her partner about a problem, his natural reaction is usually to offer her a solution. He wants to be her hero by solving the problem and instantly becoming Mr. Fix-It, coming to her rescue. The problem is that while Mr. Fix-It is a wonderful addition to a relationship when there's a flat tire or a need for an immediate solution, this persona often causes conflict in relationships.
Picture This Scenario
Imagine Tara trying to talk to Jason about what's bothering her.

Tara: "I can't believe you went to bed last night without saying good night to me."
Jason: "You shouldn't feel hurt. I didn't mean anything by it."

Although Jason thinks he has been useful to her with his problem-solving skills, in fact she's even angrier than before because essentially, he told her that her feelings were wrong. Jason was trying to help, but now Tara thinks that he doesn't care about her.

How can a man let his woman know that he wants to help fix a problem, without causing even more misunderstanding?




The key is to develop your listening skills. When women share their problems, men must resist the temptation to offer solutions because they don't need to be fixed, they needs to be heard. Instead, practice listening to your woman without offering solutions.
Shut Up And Listen
Men must give up giving unsolicited advice.

Try this exercise: Whenever a woman speaks, listen carefully. Make eye contact. Nod your head. Ask questions about her feelings. Tell her you see how that could be really upsetting, difficult, challenging, or frustrating to her. Encourage her to open up, and, above all, do not offer any solutions or try to change her feelings.

If you can keep Mr. Fix-It away during sensitive times, you'll be surprised at how grateful she'll be for the chance to share her feelings.

On the other hand, women must also learn to recognize Mr. Fix-It when we start trying to solve their problems. We mean well, but it's simply misguided. Your lady should tell you something like, "Honey, I appreciate your efforts to help me, but something's bothering me and I need to get it out. Could you just listen to me for a few minutes? I'm not looking for a quick fix."

Although you understand this communication issue, this way of approaching the situation can only help.
Communicate And Stop Fighting
Men and women have very different communication styles. When a man learns how to listen to a woman, she will feel understood, respected and reassured. And when a woman understands why her man reacts to her the way he does, she will be able to better appreciate his good intentions and not get angry. Then, she'll have the freedom to explain her needs so he can communicate even better. Problem solved.