Nothing beats the feeling a guy gets when he knows he's about to do right by his lady. Marriage is a sacred covenant between a man and his woman that represents the undying love between them. Unless that is, your fiance bolts on you. If she does, you could be left feeling like you've been sucker-punched in the gut and left for dead (and that's on a good day).

Find out why she would ever consider doing this, the warning signs to look for before you become a victim of her cold feet, and how to get back in the saddle.
The Initial Shock
Why would she do this? How could she do this? These are questions you'll need to answer in order to go on, or even come close to approximating life again. If indeed she has left you with zero indication that she was planning to jump ship, you will have to sort out the anger, fear, frustration, and profound sadness that she left you with.

Fear not; here are some possible reasons for her departure you can contemplate, which may help alleviate the pain or at least clarify what happened (and help you sleep at night again).

Family reasons
Many times, it all starts and ends with family when it comes to marriage. As the prospective son-
in-law, there are some serious expectations of your strength of character, attitude and treatment of your fiance. Think about whether you ever truly felt accepted by her family. Did you notice any perceptible change in attitude over the time you've been dating your girlfriend? Were you always served last at Thanksgiving/Christmas dinners? Were you ever inconsiderate or rude to her siblings?

Any and all these questions could have caused a ripple effect in her family that eventually caused them to view you as the "enemy" and a bad match for their daughter. Subsequently, her family could have pressured her to share their perception of you.

Social reasons
As you know, the very next group (after family) in her hierarchy of critical approval consists of her friends. As such, you'll need to think back and determine if her friends genuinely accepted you. Were you included in outings with her gal pals? Were you greeted with warmth or did they become quiet and aloof in your presence? The indicators of their disapproval may have even developed slowly over your relationship.

If so, you'll need to understand that you may have changed for the worse. But more on that later..


Personal reasons (& cold feet)
In hindsight, this could have been an easier indicator to notice. Reflect for a second and think about whether she became distant after your proposal. Could the question have triggered a cascade of negative emotion in her? Sure, your woman is supposed to be happy when you pop the question, but there could be underlying connotations that may have been unearthed by your proposal. Perhaps she was in a previous marriage that was horribly wrong for her?

This could have given her a serious case of cold feet. Or, she may have simply woken up after a night of contemplating the rest of her life with you and decided that you were waning on her list of husband "must-haves." It's not an epiphany you'd enjoy, but it can happen.

Relationship reasons
Ideally, you both had plenty of discussions about marriage and the possibility of a wedding prior to your actual proposal. However, you might have been feeling impulsive enough -- and in love enough with her -- to ask for her hand in marriage prematurely. The question is, does she feel the same about you?

Think about whether you ever had a heart-to-heart talk about the prospect of marrying each other. How did she react to the conversation? If you had the talk and she seemed pumped up about it, then maybe there were external factors that impacted your relationship post-proposal. Family tragedies or major career changes for one, or both of you, could have affected your connectivity as a couple. Perhaps she became depressed as a result? Perhaps you've altered your personality?

A less drastic explanation (yet still emotionally loaded) could be the introduction of a prenuptial agreement. Sure, you might think it's simply pragmatic. But for her it could mean you have doubts about her being the "one" over the long term (and are more concerned with how to hang on to your BMW than how to keep her). This could definitely have destabilized her enthusiasm to marry you.
Recognizing Your Problems
Take a moment to really introspect now. Yes, upon first glance it might seem as though she has just made a rash decision based on frivolous or unclear thinking. However, realize that the equation of a relationship always equals two. For all the faults you can recognize in her, remember that she can probably recognize just as many in you. It's time you figured them out as well. So ask yourself: whose fault was it?

It's always easy to point fingers at the other person. Now, point it at yourself and start admitting that you may not be perfect. Make a list of factors that may have caused her to dump you, but make sure it's only a list of your faults. Be brutally honest with yourself (as it's the only mature thing to do right now) in order to get to the root of the things on your list that you're responsible for.

Were you there for her in her times of need? Did you truly treat her as an equal? After she said "yes" to your proposal, did your behavior toward her change? Maybe you felt lazy when it came to looking good for her or being romantic now that she was technically "yours."

If she attempted to communicate the marriage fears she was harboring, did you acknowledge them? Tuning her out at these points may have helped enlighten you on how she really felt about the prospect of marrying you. If so, then you have no one to blame but yourself because you should've seen it coming.

Is it possible to save your relationship? Find out..


Salvaging The Situation, If Possible
As is the case in many of these situations, there isn't much hope for working things out. Once she's made her decision, it's often final. You can try to talk about things, especially in cases where she may have been influenced by family and friends. You can discuss the issues and make her realize how much you love each other, and not focus on what the family thinks of you, for example.

But more often than not, any real possibility of marital reconciliation is probably out of the question now. Her mind is made up and the reasons (as seen in the previous pages) may be numerous.

Still, you have to go on and find a way to deal with what is surely a crushing blow to your confidence and good spirits. You also need to realize that you will have to change the way you approach subsequent relationships. In order to do this, you will need to look at the reasons your relationship could not withstand a marriage proposal and address them appropriately.

For example, remember that I suggested your possible failure to listen to her fears and hesitation? Own the responsibility for becoming a better listener in your next relationship. I talked about social and familial situations that may have influenced her decision. Make sure you consider the sensibilities of the important people in her life. Apologize to friends or family if they've been slighted in some way by your actions. It may not salvage much this time around, but these are valuable lessons to learn if you want to successfully get back in the game later on.

The last thing you might consider is conducting an "exit interview" with your ex-fiance. This will be extremely difficult to undergo, but could be vital to you gaining much knowledge about yourself as a partner in a relationship. Try to do this about a month after the breakup so that you both have time to cool down and approach a discussion rationally. Sit with her and ask her to reveal your shortcomings and the critical problems she had with the relationship.

Prepare yourself for the worst because that's what you'll get -- it's never easy to hear about your flaws, especially if they are physical things you cannot change. The upside is you'll become aware of your faults and will therefore be able to work on them for the next person in your life. It's cold comfort but at least it's informative. Another small consolation is that you're allowed to tell her about all of the faults you saw in her (hey, it's a two-way street).
Healing Dos And Don'ts
Here is a final checklist on what to do to really go on with your life after you've been dropped. They should help you focus and gain a new perspective, so that you can start anew and feel better about your life.
Dos
Improve yourself. Start by going to the gym. Aside from just looking better, exercise will make you feel better as well.

Go on vacation. Take a trip (or a few). Traveling will get you out of your routine (and away from her) and let you discover yourself, explore new places where you can clear your head, and connect with new people.

Break all ties with her, and avoid the following at all costs.


Avoid all future contact with her. This one is crucial. Delete her phone numbers, e-mail addresses and the like. It's also a good idea to avoid your mutually favorite hangouts.

Stop talking to her family and friends (unless they were your friends before you got together); this will just keep too many strings attached and make it harder to renew your life.

Get rid of everything related to her. You should give back her CDs, letters, clothes, etc. As long as you're hanging on to the things that remind you of her, you're really just hanging on to her. Only by letting go will you truly be free of her.
Don'ts
Don't feel bad about it. After it's all said and done, you will get over it and become a better person from the experience.

Don't expect her to come back. She won't and she wasn't the one for you to begin with.

Don't beg her to come back. Again, even if this worked, you'd probably just find yourself back in the same spot, only at a later date. Better to get on with your life and move forward.

Don't chase her. Pining for her and stalking her will only make you look pathetic and sad, just two more factors that will reinforce her initial decision to leave you.

Don't reminisce. Going over it all will only spiral you back to feeling bad.
Accept And Move On
Now that you have reflected on why this may have happened, you can begin to heal and take the next steps toward getting back to your love life. This may be the hardest thing you will have to do in your life, but now that you know your faults and are able to work on them, your next relationship should reap the rewards of your emotional labor.