There’s nothing worse than hooking up with a girl and getting blindsided the next morning with an email from her address: Sunkist19@hotmail.com. Forget about the fact that her email asks if you wore a condom (you didn’t) and whether or not she should go pick up some Plan B (she should). Instead, your worry should be the Hotmail URL in her email address. Of course, you can automatically forget about checking your fantasy football stats at her house (she still has dial-up), and you can say sayonara to your go-to soft porn DVDs that you use to spice things up at her place (she’s rocking a VCR). But the woman who hasn’t stepped into the Gmail game is 95% likely to be problematic. Is she from the sticks? Is she a psycho Craigslist killer? Does she even know how to read? It almost doesn’t matter. Just stay away.

She's been cheated on more than once

Clearly a woman who cheats is one we should stay away from. But don’t look past the danger of a girl who reveals she has been the victim of several unfaithful boyfriends. It’s possible that she’s been plagued by bad luck or bad dudes, but it’s also possible she’s horrible in bed, hosts some bizarre book clubs or is doing something else to bring guys to the point of cheating.

She doesn't say "thank you" when you open the door for her

Dating Red Flags If it happens once, fine. If it happens twice, take note. If it happens multiple times, get ready to run the other way, or else you'll get involved with a woman that will take you for granted. Unfortunately, there are women out there who have an expectation that things will automatically be done for them. Maybe she grew up being Daddy’s little princess. Maybe she dated a guy a few years back who did nothing but watch The Notebook, lie his coat down over puddles and buy her jewelry. The cause is not your concern. Your worry should be, “Do I leave from the same door that I just opened, or is it best to use the back?”

She's never had a one-night stand

Dating Red Flags Many men operate under the assumption that it’s preferable to date a woman who has never given in to her sexual desires with a guy she just met and never plans to see again. What worries us, though, is that this woman doesn’t have the ability to let loose. She’s potentially so guarded and conservative that she’ll never open up to spontaneous fun. While you don’t want a floozy, it’s nice to have a girl who can lose her inhibitions every once in a while.

She's never smoked pot

Dating Red Flags There you are sitting across the table from a girl as you tell her tales from a past that involves the Dave Matthews Band, Phish or Snoop, and just as you get to the most exciting part, you realize that the person sitting across from you is not really a person at all. Staring back at you, in a state of confusion (as if she’s high), is a woman who has never stopped to enjoy the smell of the sweet roses that grow from the stems of marijuana plants. Now, not that we’re condoning the use of an illegal drug or anything, but there’s a pretty good chance that any woman who has spent her whole life saying “no” is going to be pretty rigid in her views. Is this rigidity prevalent across other areas in her life?

She doesn't drink beer at a live sporting event

Peanuts, hot dogs and beer: the only three things that should ever be consumed at a live sporting event (OK, we’ll throw those nacho trays in there, too). Seeing those Mai Tai Maidens descend the steps at the game, wearing heels and sipping rum punch out of their pink cups, offends our sense of tradition. It also warns us that the girl is a high-maintenance hussy who we want no part of. Real women eat red meat and drink cold beer.

She has a cat

Here’s an important distinction: One cat is -- without question -- 100% a red flag. We heard the term “crazy cat lady” a million times, but that implies that said lady must have multiple cats. We’re here to tell you that regardless of the number, there’s a good chance she’s crazy. You see, a woman who gets a cat generally does so to fulfill her desire to have a companion who allows her to remain detached from human relationships. She likes a cat because it never questions her and because she can pay attention to it on her own time. Does this sound like the type of lover you’d like? You’re better off cutting your losses before you have a runny nose, a handful of soiled kitty litter and a girlfriend who’s as cold as ice.


She pats her pizza down with a napkin

“What the hell? Are you using that napkin to… No… Please, no!”


We’ve seen a lot of crazy things in our day, but this is a sight that we hope you never have to witness. We applaud these women for doing the right thing and eating pizza, but why can’t they just eat the pizza? Little does she know she’s only saving about 40 calories per slice. Hardly worth the effort and disgusting mess of ratty napkins that she leaves in her wake. What’s worse, the pizza patter is very defensive. If you try reasoning with her, you’ll be left with a face full of greased-up napkins and surely no sex for the night. But do you really want to sleep with someone who’s also likely to make you “clean up” after sex?

She doesn't have any date able friends

We’re never thrilled when a girl asks us to join her for dinner with a couple of her gal pals. But it’s more tolerable when we can spend it imagining ourselves having threesomes with all of them. If a girl doesn’t have any cool, good-looking friends, it says more about her than it does about her friends. Is she the jealous type? Is she paranoid that hotter friends might steal her man? Does she always need to be the center of attention?

She doesn't understand that men are naturally wired to be polygamists

Despite whatever cultural and societal demands we have, it is scientifically proven that men are still, at the end of the day, animals. We’re naturally wired to procreate with many different women in order to ensure our survival. This fundamental truth scares the hell out of some very naive women. They think guys should stay faithful to their girlfriends because it’s the right thing to do and that men should never cheat on their wives because marriage is sacred. They also think it’s OK to put on a few pounds, cut their hair like lesbian softball players and wear unflattering undergarments to bed every night. They are so confident you’ll stay with them no matter what that they completely give up trying to do things to keep you interested and attracted.