In the last article, How to Dump Her ...Nicely , we discussed the proper ways to prepare your partner for the disappointment of an eventual breakup. This is probably the easiest part of the whole breakup process. The most difficult part is when it's time to actually deliver the message in the clearest possible way, and without sending mixed messages. The objective is to deliver the message so that you get it across while minimizing the pain, without backtracking. The following is an example of what not to say. The message here is unclear, and the dumpee is still not sure about where the relationship stands.

- "There's something on my mind that I've been wanting to say to you for a while. I still care for you a lot, in fact I love you very much, but not in the same way ."

- "What are you saying?"

- "I'm not sure, but I think that we're having problems, and maybe we should take some time off. You see, I'm not sure how I feel, but maybe we shouldn't see each other any more."

- (She starts to cry) "What do you mean? I love you so much."

- "No, no, don't cry, ahh, it's not what I meant. Please don't cry, it's just some time off. Maybe we can get back together in a couple of months. I was only kidding, I wanted to see if you really cared for me."
Prepare The Speech
It is crucially important to have the dumping speech prepared for many reasons. The most important reason is that you don't want to have to repeat yourself. It's hard enough the first time; you don't need to say it a second time. You cannot beat around the bush while you improvise what you should say. Once you've started the dumping speech , you have to finish it. Otherwise, you'll only be torturing her.

The perfect speech comes from much preparation and practice. Before you even open your mouth, you should know exactly what you are going to say, how you will say it, and why you're saying it. The following questions and guidelines should help you prepare for your big dumping speech .
Ask Yourself...
Ask yourself the following questions, and pick the answer that best corresponds with how you feel. Put all the statements together, and you'll have the perfect speech.

1. NAME OF THE PERSON YOU ARE BREAKING UP WITH

2. HOW YOU THINK SHE WOULD FEEL ABOUT THE WHOLE BREAK UP?

I know this is hard for you.

I know this is terrible for you.

I know you won't take this well.

I really wanted to be with you forever.

I like you very much.


3. DESCRIPTION OF THE RELATIONSHIP

Our relationship is not working out.

Our relationship is on the rocks.

I am not happy in the relationship.

I feel like I need more space to myself.

The relationship is not what I hoped for.

Every time I see you, I get an uncontrollable rash.


4. WHERE DO YOU STAND?

I can't go on like this.

I cannot continue living this lie.

I can't continue with our relationship.

We can't be together anymore.



5. HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT HER?

I think you are a wonderful person.

You are a wonderful lover.

You are a wonderful human being.

You are a joy to be around.

You are a kind person.


6. WHAT YOU THINK SHE DESERVES INSTEAD OF YOURSELF?

You don't deserve a jerk like me.

You really deserve a better person than me.

You should be with a person that doesn't take you for granted.

You should not be with an ungrateful person such as myself.


7. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN FEELING THIS WAY?

For a long time now.

For a few months now.

For a few weeks now.

As long as I can remember.

Only recently.


8. WHY DID YOU NOT BREAK UP EARLIER?

I thought we would be able to work things out.

I wanted to wait to see if things worked out.

I thought things would work out.

I thought things would get better.

I wanted to wait to see where things would go.

I thought that with time, things would get better.


9. YOUR FEELINGS OF REGRET?

I am such a jerk for doing this.

I am so sorry if you feel I betrayed you.

I am sorry that I hurt you like this.



10. WHAT SHE DESERVES?

You deserve to find someone else.

You deserve better than this.

You should meet new people.

You deserve a new boyfriend.

You deserve someone who will treat you better.


11. WHAT ARE YOUR FEELINGS TOWARDS YOURSELF?

I blame myself for this mess.

I never wanted to hurt you.

I'll never forgive myself for this.

I hate myself for doing this to you.


Why are you leaving her, and should you blame yourself?


12. WHY ARE YOU LEAVING HER?

It just isn't working anymore.

It's time to move on.

We have to take different paths.

I just don't love you anymore (the toughest one to say).

There's someone else.

I just don't feel the magic anymore.


13. DO YOU BLAME YOURSELF?

It's not your fault.

It's all my fault.

None of this is your fault.


14. HER CONSOLATION.

I'll always cherish the time I spent with you.

I'll never forget you.

I am crazy for leaving you.

I'll forget you.

I'll never forget what a great person you are.


15. DESCRIBE THE CURRENT RELATIONSHIP

Over

Finished.

All behind us now.


16. STILL FRIENDS?

We can still be friends.

We can still see each other from time to time.

We will always remain friends.

We'll keep in touch.

It's best if we no longer see each other.
The Perfect Speech
Now that you have more or less of an idea of what you can say, all you have to do is put the message together. Using the top line of each question, I put together a dumping speech , as an example of what you can use:

"Sarah, I know this is going to be hard for you, but our relationship is not working out. I can't go on like this. I think you are a wonderful person, and you don't deserve a jerk like me. I've been feeling this way for a long time now. I did not want to tell you this earlier because I thought we would be able to work things out.
I am such a jerk for doing this to you. You deserve to find someone else. I really blame myself for all this mess, but it just isn't working anymore. It's not your fault. I'll always cherish the times we've spent together, but the relationship is over. I would still like to remain friends."

You see, breaking up can be a lot easier if you arrive prepared. Put your speech together, practice it, and don't back down. Good luck.