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About Us
- The Contemporary Man/ T. Miller
- At The Contemporary Man's, we guarantee that you will succeed with women and get the results you want from your dating life when you use our proven system for success with women called 'Dating Power'. You simply cannot fail when you use our tested techniques for success with women. We have spent the last 5 years testing and refining our method for success with women by: Approaching, dating and being in relationships with modern women ourselves. Coaching over 650 guys in person and literally showing them how to approach and pick up women using our natural style. Testing our techniques in all sorts of social environments, including parties, workplaces, nightclubs, cafes, shopping malls and bookstores to name a few. Interviewing women from around the world and asking for their opinions on the modern dating and relationship scene. Researching all available studies, published documentation and theories in this field. Following up with guys that we'd coached to find out if they needed more advice as they become more successful with women. We then included the advanced advice in our products.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Overcoming A Dysfunctional Relationship
Everyone has a dysfunctional, disastrous relationship war story. Other than the odd marriage to the high-school sweetheart and a lifetime of bliss to follow, we have all been hit by shrapnel and napalm from a Cupid gone mad.Welcome to the real world men, where love can be a pain in the heart. A woman may seem like the ideal partner but for some reason, fate conspires to make you miserable. You love her but you feel claustrophobic and unhappy.
How bizarre is that? You love her but you have to end it because if not, you may go insane. And so you sever the bond and try to move on. But you feel confused, hurt and alone. You know that she is bad for you, yet she was an integral part of your life for so long that you find yourself lost without her. The relationship took up a major share of your time and energy.
What the hell do you do now that you are "free"?
Alone And Shattered
So here you stand, a single but broken man. You feel like a failure because you worked hard to make your last relationship a success. Instead, it was a catastrophe. You made mistakes. She made mistakes. You made poor choices. She made poor choices. In short, what held such tremendous promise was nothing more than an oasis in the desert.
Did you want it too much? Maybe. Sometimes we fabricate a perfect relationship in our minds in order to compensate for a serious imbalance in compatibility. Physical appearance or material wealth often contribute to our stubborn insistence on making a square peg fit into a round hole. But the wrong woman is the wrong woman, no matter how hard you push or how well you deceive yourself.
The fact of the matter is that you have to conduct a comprehensive analysis in order to move on and date again. The first step is to look in the mirror and admit that the relationship was a two-way street. Do not play the blame game. You were not an angel, so face the music if you want to grow and learn from the experience. Remember my motto for rebounding from a dysfunctional relationship: men who forget their relationship history are destined to repeat it with the next woman .
Swot It Away
A perfect tool to help you in that quest is a Strength, Weakness, Opportunity, and Threat analysis. An old business school technique, the SWOT analysis is a tangible way to represent what went wrong in the relationship to help you move on to a better one.
Strengths: What was your positive contribution to the relationship? Be specific.
Weaknesses: What was your negative contribution to the relationship? What do you need to develop to become a better partner in the future? Again, be as specific as possible.
Opportunities: What avenues, if any, could have been explored to salvage the relationship?
Threats: What obstacles do you face in future relationships that may hinder your chances at love? Do you have the required maturity and personality toolkit to make a woman happy for life? What internal factors within your control prevent you from being happy with a woman?
Make That List
Take an hour or more to compile your own personal SWOT analysis. Look at it. Study it. Think of it as a relationship audit to help you improve your rapport with the next woman and enhance your personal development. It may be difficult to face the music and discover what went wrong now that the relationship is over, but in order to rebound it is crucial.
In addition, make a list of what went wrong. Similar to the aforementioned weakness category, a list of what went wrong will serve as visible proof that the relationship was dysfunctional and may help explain why. The "why" is what you need to answer in order to get closure.
Ah yes, closure. A magic word in the relationship matrix. A psychoanalyst buzz word if you will, to help us move on and become better partners in the future. Closure has become a cliché, but it has merit. If you want to rebound from a dysfunctional relationship, you need it like a dehydrated man in the middle of the Mojave.
Call Her Up
The first step to gaining closure is to have an appreciation of what you did wrong. Forget about her. Comprehend what you did and be the mature person. If a line of communication is still open, call her and arrange to meet for coffee. Closure is better done in person than on the phone, by e-mail or in a chat room.
Be civil and explain the rationale behind the encounter. In case you forgot, the reason you want to meet with her is to end things on a good note. Closure is a symbol to represent a lack of animosity between the both of you. Mend the fence, do not burn the bridge and try to be cordial with her.
Why is this a good idea?
It may be one of the most awkward exchanges you ever have but trust me, if you extend an olive branch and admit you did wrong, a weight will be lifted and your life will improve. Point blank.
When we face our demons, we grow and develop into better people. So foster some positive karma your way and get that closure. No matter how long it has been since the relationship went south, contact her and tie up that loose end.
You may sound crazy to her at first but my bet is that if it has been a nuisance in the back of your mind, it has been the same for her as well. Even if both of you have found new people, you still need to do it. Closure will make you whole.
Why Am I An Expert?
I know because I went through a relationship that was the epitome of dysfunctional. I was young and naïve and fell for a girl with a major confidence crisis. She came from a broken and abusive household and had severe internal emotional damage as a result.
I became her friend, therapist and then, boyfriend. I made it my mission to help her overcome her demons and become a strong, confident woman. Her potential was phenomenal. As a medical student, she was at the top of her class. Her academic talent was beyond compare but as a person, she was a mess.
Her drive to make it as a surgeon was motivated by her stern background, where second place was akin to failure. And so her life was school. I became her sole outlet to vent and a personal mechanism to cope with the nightmare that was her existence. In time however, my life became a nightmare. In my attempt to raise her up, I had become a victim of ambition run amuck and began to drown as a result.
A year later I broke it off, I was happy with another woman but I was still haunted by the past. After some deep thought on the matter, I realized that I had yet to put my ex behind me. The love was gone and I had a new flame but there was a lack of closure. So I made contact with her.
We met and there was major tension, of course. But we came to a resolution and made peace. And that made the difference between a bitter ex and a friend, which is what she is in my life today.
There is a lesson there. Even if you have a new woman in your life, in order to rebound from your dysfunctional relationship past, you have to reflect, be honest with yourself and get that closure. End that chapter of your life once and for all.
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