Have you ever noticed that we tend to choose our partners by "looks" good or "feels" good, only to wake up in the midst of relationships that really aren't good!?!

One of the biggest mistakes we make at the beginning of a relationship is not asking enough questions. We tend to ask more questions about a car we're buying than about a lover, potential life mate or parent to our children. When taking on any other endeavor -- whether it be a business relationship or buying new furniture -- we wisely ask a host of questions to ensure that we're making the right choice.

May I Ask?
Can you imagine buying a house simply based on the premise that it looks and feels good, without examining the costs, condition of the property, serious damage, repairs, your readiness to move, your commitment to the payments, the previous owner's readiness to sell, what the neighbors are like, and so on and so forth?

Yet that is exactly what we do in relationships. We base our choices solely on physical attraction and emotional desire, and then can't understand why our relationships don't work.

Times have changed in the realm of relationships, and these changes require a new, more conscious approach toward choosing a partner. By practicing the stimulating art of Intellectual Foreplay , you can turn this process around, establish an intimate relationship with a potential partner or, just as important, recognize a "no-win" situation immediately and stop before the relationship goes any further.
What Is Intellectual Foreplay?
"Foreplay" literally means "the play that comes first," the play that you engage in before you go the distance together. We generally think of this in physical terms: foreplay builds intrigue, excitement and desire -- creating readiness -- before sex.

Foreplay is time well spent because it makes the whole experience more satisfying. It offers a variation on this idea: it is the stimulation and interest that is created between two people when they communicate effectively.

Intellectual Foreplay means taking the time to discuss important questions with a prospective partner and discover compatibility before you "go the distance," and commit to a relationship. Just like its physical counterpart, this type of pre-game show can build excitement and desire, or quickly reveal a lack of compatibility, saving you months, or even years, of putting energy into a relationship that isn't going to work.

The central idea behind this concept it to practice
 and get to know each other: intellectually, emotionally, spiritually, and physically.

This must be done before making a serious commitment. Granted, if you think too much about your relationship, you may never get married. However, if you think too little, you'll surely get divorced.

So how do we get it on and engage in some Foreplay?


Intellectual Foreplay Guidelines
Here are a few guidelines to get you started:

1. Make a list of things to ask. Keep a running file of what you think you should ask someone before getting seriously involved. Identify what is important to you -- your "non-negotiables" -- and start your exploration from there. For example, if you require someone to be of a certain religion in order to be a serious life mate candidate, then begin a discussion on religion. If you require someone who likes the same sports or entertainment as you, ask your potential partner questions about how they spend their time and observe their willingness to participate.

2. Keep it light, for starters, or you'll scare people away. Asking questions can open door to hours of lively discussion and discovery; however, that won't happen if your partner feels interrogated. When you bring up a question you want to discuss, answer it yourself before expecting your partner to answer. By doing this, you avoid the feeling of interrogation by modeling your own willingness to share.

3. Remember, there are no "right" or "wrong" answers. This process isn't about finding out what's wrong with the other person; it's about finding out who the other person is. While their answers may not be right for you, it doesn't mean that their answers are wrong for them . Watch for indications of compatibility or a lack thereof, while keeping your non-negotiables in mind.

4. Pay attention to your partner's answers. Nine out of ten times, when on the verge of breaking up, we revert back to the beginning and remember the occasions when our partner told or showed us exactly what the problems in the relationship would be. Everything is information. What you see and hear is usually what you get!

5. Trust your gut instincts. If that little voice in your head is flashing the warning signs -- even if your partner is saying all the right things -- pay attention. If you know in your gut that your partner is the one for you, no matter what, trust your intuition.

6. Being the right choice. Being the right partner is just as important as making the right choice in a partner. Pay attention to your own answers as well; it may just be that you're not the best candidate for her. It takes a wise person to know when the shoe does not fit.

7. Take action on what you discover. What you find out about yourself and a partner is useless if you aren't willing to act on it. If you discover that this is the person for you, proceed. If you discover that she is not, stop. Simple as that. Take responsibility for your choices and your actions.
Everybody Can Learn
If you are already in the midst of a relationship or are exploring the world of online dating, Intellectual Foreplay is an absolute must for determining whether you want to meet in person, and for deciding whether there should even be a second date.

This book will help you clarify what you are doing and where you are going, bringing a higher level of quality to your communication. Whether dating online or off, be sure to practice Intellectual Foreplay and enjoy it.