Cold feet: apprehension or doubt strong enough to prevent a planned course of action.

Some expressions get thrown around so often that we become desensitized to their initial and intended definition. Take the "cold feet" clich for example. The axiom has been relegated to the situation come
dy, so accepted is it as a common social condition.

We joke about a prospective bride or groom having cold feet and dismiss it with nary a second thought. But ask anyone who has cold feet and I guarantee that to them, the matter is not so trivial. When you become consumed with doubt about a significant life milestone, the last thing you want to do is laugh it off.

To start, let me clarify what I mean by cold feet. For me the term is about marriage and not whether or not you should move in together or continue a casual dating relationship. If you ask me, cold feet is a syndrome of modern society.
Wedded Bliss?
Based on the current state of nuptial success, it could seem to a couple about to embark on the most important journey of their lives that the entire world is in on the conspiracy to thwart their marriage. The statistics are appalling and seem to get worse from one year to the next.

When the fact that over half of all marriages end in separation is no longer news, you know the problem is real. Some people think that the current demands of career and family on women today have contributed to the demise of the institution.

I would argue that the same is true of men as well, as more and more of us play an integral role in the lives of our families. Men used to be the traditional breadwinner of the household and a silent, tacit partner in child rearing.
Too Many Distractions
But we live in an "enlightened" age now and the accepted view of marriage has changed. And if you want my opinion, for the better. The current generation has been raised to believe in the notion of equal partnership and equal opportunity. We live in a work hard, play hard world where instant gratification is king.

People want the best the world has to offer now , not content to wait for retirement or an antiquated notion of the afterlife. I would not have it another way. The problem is that we have become selfish. We want it all and we want it now. A modern self-help guru like Dr. Phil or Deepak may remind us to find our inner spirit and take the time to enjoy the journey but to be honest, we all want to run that rat race.


Knowledge is power but is ignorance bliss? In an enlightened modern age you are inundated with choice -- what to study, where to work, where to live, what car to drive, and what products to own. But there is a negative side to convenience and opportunity. Amid the distractions of modern society, we have forgotten how to build and maintain a solid relationship. We get cold feet now more than ever.
How To Warm Up Your Cold Feet
The rant about society today had a point. Cold feet is a symptom of the time in which we live. Is that a scientific theory? No, but my gut tells me that the problem is worse now than it was when my parents or grandparents hooked up. So what the hell do you do about it?

Society will not change, nor should it. Progress is progress, as sure as death and taxes, even if it may not seem like an improvement on the way life once was. You have to ride the wave and change the person within. For the man with cold feet, my suggestion is to keep the following in mind:

Marriage is serious business
Once you say that vow my friend, that is it . You have sworn before God (whether you believe in Him or not), family, friends, and the woman you love that you will cherish the institution of matrimony. Not something to trifle with now, is it? If you have a doubt about your ability to sustain that commitment, slow down and talk to her about it. Forget about material wealth and public perception. Leave that for when you buy a television or a condominium. This is your life. People use separation and divorce as an easy out, but it was never intended to be that way. A marriage is a pact that you must honor and respect.

Your spouse is not an interchangeable part
The woman to whom you are engaged will be with you for life. Think about that. You cannot trade her in for another model in twenty years. When you vow to love and protect her, you have to mean it and grasp the importance of the statement. Physical appearance is important but will sex sustain you through hard times? Hell no. So forget about the notion of a designer bride. Cold feet is often a sign that we have chosen the wrong person to fit with our character. If you can picture her by your side at age 90, then you have a winner.