What are the possible advantages of not always being completely candid and truthful?
Are there some reasons for lying, some of which may be more acceptable than others?  Is it possible that our close relationships could not work without some degree of deception?
Could any relationship withstand "the truth, and nothing, but the truth?"
Whether we like it or not, it appears that our relationships are held together, not only by telling the truth, but by also telling an occasional lie.
So what are some of the advantages or more acceptable reasons for lying?
·                                 the truth can be hurtful
·                                 helps avoid unnecessary conflict
·                                 helps maintain a sense of privacy
Of course, there are many disadvantages as well. 

The Truth Hurts
A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.--Oscar Wilde
The most painful and hurtful thing you can do to someone doesn't necessarily involve deception; it usually involves telling the truth.
Typically, the best way to hurt a romantic partner is by being completely honest - tell a spouse something that he or she does not want to hear.
To put it mildly, the truth can be used as a "weapon of destruction" in our close relationships (direct quote - Solomon, 1993).
For instance, would anyone want to hear the following?
You are not as attractive as you used to be.
I sometimes think about someone else during sex.
I sometimes wonder why we are together.
I have a little crush on someone at work.
Lovers often lie to each other about these types of issues; issues which are common whenever two people get close, but issues which cannot be easily resolved through discussion.  Again, as someone's looks fade, what's the point of being brutally honest about it?
And we are happier and feel closer to our romantic partners when we do not have to acknowledge such painful, hurtful truths.

In fact, we like it when our spouses hide unpleasant facts from us.  As long as we are not aware that our partners are hiding things, ignorance can be blissful.
On the other hand, when we really want to hurt someone, we often say what we really think.  Anyone who has been involved in a divorced knows first-hand how damaging the truth can be.  When people are no longer concerned about keeping a relationship intact, the truth comes out fast and furious and it stings.
While telling the truth in a romantic relationship can often lead to a lot of hurt, pain, and suffering - deception is not a luxury, sometimes lying is absolutely necessary.
Deception serves as a "social lubricant" which safely separates romantic partners and their negative thoughts (direct quote - Saxe, 1991).
No one could stand to hear everything.  And deception is often required because it allows people to share with lives with each other while avoiding difficult issues which cannot always be discussed away.
For instance, deception can sometimes be useful when romantic partners ask:
What are you thinking about?
Are you attracted to him/her?
Did you miss me?
Where were you?
Why didn't you answer the phone?
Why are you so quiet?
Is there anything wrong?
Have you ever thought about being with someone else?
Make no mistake about it, telling the truth is necessary in a close relationship.  But, always telling the truth often leads to more problems than good.



Lying Helps Couples Avoid Unnecessary Conflict
"Lies that build are better than truths that destroy." -- Senegalese Proverb

Most romantic relationships and marriages are difficult to maintain.
Couples do not always see eye-to-eye on every issue and conflict plays a large role in how well people get along with each other.

And couples argue about a lot of different things:
how they spend their time and money
how they make their plans and set their goals
how household tasks get done
how they raise their kids
how they communicate with each other
over their annoying habits
Over how and when they have sex...

And if you really wanted to, you could spend a lot of time arguing with your romantic partner.  People are always a little different from each other and arguments are not that hard to start.
No one, however, wants to be in a relationship marked by such never-ending conflict (but many people do.
In fact, for a relationship to work there must be at least 5 positive, friendly, and supportive encounters for every negative, indifferent, or hostile encounter.  This 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative encounters has been well documented.  And it demonstrates that for a relationship to last, people must get along and create a lot of positive outcomes.
Otherwise, what are people doing together?
Deception is an easy way to avoid conflict and the negativity that goes along with it.
Rather than argue or fight about every issue that may come up, it is often easier to tell a loved one exactly what he or she wants to hear.
Who hasn't lied from time to time about minor issues such as not getting a message, spending a little money, or how one spends part of their free time, just to avoid conflict?
Deception can be the path of least resistance when two people do not always agree.
In many cases, lying to a husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend, takes a lot less energy and effort than telling the truth and starting a fight over every issue that may arise.

Lying to Maintain Privacy
"A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation."--Saki
Everyone needs to have their own identity, a sense of themselves.
We value our independence and our autonomy – we cherish the right to make our own decisions.  We like the idea of being able to do what we want - of having our freedom without a spouse or partner constantly getting in our way.
Simply put, no one likes to be controlled and always told what they can or cannot do.  We greatly value having a sense of control over how we live.  One way we maintain a sense of control or independence is through deception.
Deception helps us protect our privacy– we can make our own choices and decide for ourselves, what we are going to do - and who, if anyone, is going to find out about it.
Deception allows us to maintain boundaries – to keep people out, to keep others at a safe distance, and to assert our freedom.
For example, when a child sneaks an extra cookie and lies to his or her parents about doing so, such an act often involves more than just a simple act of disobedience.  It is a way for children to assert themselves, to take what they want, to make their own decisions, to keep their parents from interfering with their own goals, to establish a sense of freedom from parental control.  Lying is often done as a means of asserting one's individuality and independence (and it also helps kids get cookies).  With this in mind, it should come as no surprise that children raised in very controlling environments are often more likely to rebel and use deception to gain some freedom.
As adults, we are no different than children – we lie to our employers, spouses, boyfriends and girlfriends in order to regain a sense of control over what we can and cannot do.
People will often lie about the smallest, most non-consequential issues, just to regain a sense of their autonomy