I faithfully follow your articles and know you have fantastic advice. Sometimes it’s harsh and hardly ever what a guy wants to hear, but I know it’s always true.

Anyway, Ali and I had been together for a year and a half. Her Interest Level was absolutely through the roof because I used Challenge to great effect. She was constantly talking about how crazy in love with me she was, saying I was “the one” and bringing up marriage and kids at least once a week, although I thought we should take things slow and not rush into anything. After dating for a year she thought it would be a great idea to move in together. I badly wanted to, but I knew that based on your advice it might just be too soon. When she begged and pleaded and got upset, I gave in and didn’t stand my ground like I should have, mostly because I got caught up in my own Interest Level. By the way, at this time I thought for sure this was the girl I would one day marry and spend my life with. I was crazy about her too.

Almost immediately I saw a change for the worse. I enjoyed living with Ali and thought we were getting closer. However, I noticed her interest fading. I worked a lot and she spent a lot of time at home by herself. I could tell she was getting lonely. Even though I tried to make enough time for her, she still craved more than I could ever give. To fill the gap she started talking to friends. One was a guy who she swore (and I really believed) was nothing more than a friend. I have a lot of friends who are girls, so I figured that Ali was allowed to have guy friends, too.

One day, after coming back from an outing with friends, Ali cried for hours and confessed that she and the guy had kissed and nothing more. She said she felt bad because for a split second she had felt something for him but immediately turned that feeling off. I thought that this was most likely only a fraction of the true story. After she begged and pleaded, I chose to let it go. I didn’t want to ruin our entire relationship because of one stupid mistake.

After that, things were good again and I honestly don’t know how she could have possibly been any sweeter, more giving or a better girlfriend. I truly thought her Interest Level was at 99%. Maybe I got busy or just failed to keep watch, but somewhere along the line it dropped down after a few months. Eventually she said the dreaded words: “I need time to figure out what I want and to be myself for a while.” She claimed it was too much work trying to get my attention. She recently moved out and is living on her own.

 I feel like I had “the one” and I know I made a mistake with the maintenance, but looking back, I really have to wonder what I could have done to make it better. I have two questions. How do you ever keep things exciting and keep her Interest Level up when you live together or get so close? It seems near impossible to use Challenge in a relationship like this. Secondly, should I try again to make this work with Ali or forget her and move on? She claims she feels we are still meant to be and hopes we can refuel our fire together. She calls all the time and I do actually feel a spark coming back, but the big elephant in the room is that we separated, and from what I understand once Interest Level has dropped so low it’s gone forever.

Hi Melo,

Let me say something to you guys out there. Like my cousin Brother Love down in Watts says, “The truth always hurts.” Other love doctors lie to you and try to make you feel good. They tell you that you’re doing the right thing when you’re not. I always give it to you straight.

Most guys get caught up in their own Interest Level, my friend. When a guy’s interest is beyond the stars, what happens is that he starts rationalizing and giving in and losing his backbone -- then she loses respect for him.

You have to ask yourself why Ali’s interest in you faded. Were you still a Challenge to her? That’s the key here. To you psych majors, if you continue being a Challenge, she won’t get bored. But in this case, Melo, you also had a needy woman. Like my cousin Fast Eddie Love from East L.A. says, “That’s the last thing you want to marry.” Ali should have had her own life. You missed a big red flag there by not sensing that she'd be lonely without your constant attention.

It was a mistake on your part to be so nonchalant with Ali’s guy friends. And she didn’t need to do more than kiss this other dude. Kissing a guy when she’s supposedly in love with someone else shows that she has no loyaty. Dude, you should have thrown Ali out in the street when you found out! 

You had no choice but to ruin your relationship with Ali after one stupid mistake, guy. What you’re missing is that this girl doesn’t have a life when you’re not around her, and she therefore has to fill her time with another dude. What made you think she was going to stop doing that? When Ali kissed that other guy, her Interest Level in you was not at 99% -- it’s an impossibility. And when she moved out, you were out forever, so everything you say and do with her afterward is a complete waste of time.

You just said what your problem was: You made a mistake by not using the maintenance program. But again, this babe was a lonely girl to begin with. And that’s the problem -- she had no life of her own. What a girl like Ali does is make you the center of her attention, and then she takes her neediness out on you and drives you crazy. Then she kisses other guys.

How do you keep interest alive when you’re in such close proximity? Very easy -- use the maintenance program in “The System.” It’s not hard to maintain Challenge if you memorize my materials.

Should you try to make it work with Ali or move on? Melo, what’s the matter with you? Apparently you didn’t read the chapter in my book on going back. Ali might swear that you have a future together, but remember that with her mouth she said she loved you, but with her feet she moved out. And don’t forget that you didn’t “separate.” Ali dropped you. She moved out and left you. Yes, her interest is gone forever -- and even longer than that.

Remember, guys: When the ether wears off, it’s over.