When it comes to honesty and relationships, hypocrisy is rampant. We preach the importance of the truth but we cut corners with our own partners. Failure to divulge the entire story behind a past sexual encounter to your current mate, for example, does not exonerate you as a liar. There is no gray area: Are you ho
nest or dishonest?

Just to be clear about my objective, I want to help men (and women) on the brink of a special relationship that has potential marriage implications. The serial daters and the players are hereby exempt from my advice. The reason is simple: When you date or have sex on a casual basis, the goal is not the same. The emotional investment is absent. You hold back. You share less about yourself. The person is a diversion, not a life partner. You have yet to introduce her to your mother.

But that woman is around the corner. You may know her and not realize the potential you have as a couple. Or, she may be years away from your life. You have to prepare now, however, to accommodate her and maximize that potential.

When men date a woman they know is not "the One," they take advantage of the situation in order to "misbehave." Women are not immune to the practice either. Chalk it up to simple human nature. As men, we fail to call. We date other women. We focus on sex and the physical. We disrespect without hesitation. The bottom line is when men (and women) fall into the cycle of serial courtship, we cease to care. We become numb to the process and date more out of custom than purpose. But then we fall in love.
This Is A Mission
Everyone is on a quest to find a soul mate, no matter how vehement our claim otherwise. We want to feel love. But when we do, we forget that the rules of the game are new. In fact, the term "game" is no longer suitable. Emotions are at stake and you now "care." But how far do you go to cement the bond? How honest do you get?

Very. That is my advice. I want men to open up, with one condition: Mutual confidence in the potential of the relationship. Given a common sense that the bond is exclusive, come clean with her. Divulge your past and grant her full disclosure. Do not leave a sole detail to chance.

Why on earth do I advocate men to follow that counsel? Simple. I have seen countless couples break up as a result of skeletons in the closet. I now know that pain and decisive separation can be averted with honesty from the outset. The problem is that most of us lack the courage to face our demons and risk our relationships. But that is the chance you must take.

Don't just tell her about the bad stuff...


Not Just Scandalous
The previous advice may sound extreme, but think about the implications. For example, you may not have a major scandal in your past. You must, however, have some personal experiences of relevance to your current flame.

A dysfunctional family background or a turbulent past relationship will have an impact on your rapport with the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. Your experiences shape you. She has to know what affects you and what has made you the man you are.

Did your father smack you around? Tell her. You say you stole cars as a teenager? Tell her. You have a "diverse" sexual history? You have to tell her.

Any woman you commit to has a right to know about the man she's fallen in love with. Who are you in her eyes? The real, "genuine" you or just a façade and an image you project to protect yourself? Because men do that and it frustrates the hell out of their girlfriends and wives.

We go on the defensive and hide what turn out to be innocent (or less harmful than we thought) details about our past. But when they come up, often years after the fact, they don't seem so innocent. This is to be expected. When you hide something from your woman or just "forget" to mention it, you'll look guilty when it comes out down the road. And trust me, it will.
The One Should Know
A friend of mine prevented this trap by taking preventative action the minute he realized he was in love with a woman he had been dating for two months. One night, while he was watching television, he had an epiphany and it dawned on him that she was the one. This was it for him. No more casual dating. Always the man to shy away from commitment, he was suddenly open to the idea and even welcomed it. That's what happens when you find the right woman.

There was a problem though. This friend of mine was involved with three other women at the same time. Each one served a different purpose in his life, as most men reading this can relate to. One was a sexual freak, one had a beautiful apartment and the other was a fantastic cook. What's a man to do?

She might stay, she might go, but nevertheless, she deserves to know.


Well, lucky for my friend, he found a woman who gave him everything he needed and more, in one package. Plus, she really loved him. That was the major difference between all the others. He had pretty much written them out of his life but it wasn't enough, because the women didn't know about his life-altering experience.

If he didn't nip this situation in the bud, he could expect a random phone call from any one of them at any time. Even worse, he could bump into them in the street while hand-in-hand with his new woman. Realizing this and dreading it, he picked up the phone and called these three women, one by one. He explained to them that it was over and that he had met a special woman he wanted to spend all his time with. Although it took almost three hours, the deed was done and he felt free.
This Is About You
But this article is about honesty with your current flame; not past flings who meant nothing to you. The beautiful part, though, is that my friend did not end it there. And this is where I want my male readers to take notice.

Rather than pick up the phone and call his girlfriend, he met her for coffee. He sat down with her and told her for the first time about his simultaneous relationships. Although he had not had sex with the women since he had met her, he did not use that as an excuse to gloss over the truth. Instead, his focus was the fact that he had made not just a symbolic gesture, but also an active signal to everyone that she was his woman now and his commitment was to her.

She had a million questions, of course, and he was honest to the end. He didn't want to play around anymore or fake who he was. This woman was "it" for him and he wanted her to see him for everything he was.

This simple strategy of full disclosure was the best thing that could have happened to my friend and his now wife. That's right -- they married two years later. It set a precedent in the relationship of honesty and respect.

Ultimately, that is the message here. When you come clean in a new relationship where the emotional investment is great, you start fresh. You put the past behind you and convey who you really are. If she loves you more as a result, you have a winner and potential soul mate in front of you. Don't let go of her and do the right thing.