You Say That If You Buy A Woman Enough Dinners, She May Begin To Feel Some AFFECTION For You... But Food And Gifts Will Never Lead To ATTRACTION. Can You Explain This A Bit More?

To answer this question, I want to share an interesting story about a conversation I had this evening. I was talking with, of all people, my MOM about the topic of "men paying for things for women" and it was fascinating to me to hear her perspective.

Without hesitation, she said that she believes that men should pay for everything, and if they really like a woman that they should SUPPORT her as well.

Of course, I burst out with, "YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING!"

After we shared a laugh, she said, "No, I'm not kidding."

And she wasn't kidding, either.

My own mother believes that it's just part of being a "gentleman and good suitor" to pay for dinners, gifts and even shelter for the woman he desires.

I immediately replied with [paraphrased]:

"This kind of sounds to me like you believe that men should pay women to give them attention, affection and sex."

At this point, I think she remembered that I write books about this kind of thing and she gave up. But the thing that really got my attention was that she REALLY BELIEVES THAT MEN SHOULD PAY FOR EVERYTHING. IN FACT, SHE BELIEVES IT AT THE "WELL, OF COURSE! THAT'S JUST THE RIGHT THING TO DO" LEVEL!

Heavy man, heavy.

No wonder I was such a loser before with women.

OK, I love my mom and mean no disrespect towards her...

But let's talk about the real world for a second.

Here are a few things that I believe about how things work in general when it comes to women and dating:

1) People in general, MALE OR FEMALE, intuitively know when they are being "pursued." As soon as we know that we have something that someone else wants, the price starts to go up. Economics 101.

2) When the price starts going up (translation: She realizes that you really like her and she starts playing hard to get, making you "prove" yourself, etc.), you start to LOSE CONTROL RAPIDLY.

3) When you lose control, you have a couple of basic ways you can respond: A) Pursue her harder, giving her even MORE control; OR B) Give up. (Neither of these options sounds very good to me.)

4) An alternative is to NEVER START GIVING UP CONTROL IN THE FIRST PLACE.

5) One way to do that is to stay away from things that put a woman into the "courting" mode of thinking and behavior.

6) Asking a woman to dinner and then buying is probably the absolute most certain way to put a woman in the state of mind that she is being "pursued" (with the possible exception of stalking her, which I strongly discourage).

By the way, I'm not opposed to the idea of buying dinner for a woman. I'm opposed to the mindset that you put her into when you buy it.

Make sense?
I Know I Shouldn’t Act Like A “Wussy” Around Women, But It Seems Like I Can’t Control Myself In This Area. I Don’t WANT To Act This Way, But I Keep Doing It. Any Advice?

It takes a lot for most guys to SEE WITH THEIR OWN TWO EYES how NOT being a Wuss affects women... and how it makes women RESPOND differently.

Once you realize how your Inner Wussy is making women RUN away from you, it gets easier to EVICT it.
Where Are Some Places You Recommend Going To Meet Women?
You need to look for those magical activities that are interesting, enjoyable, and (BIG AND) also draw intelligent, gorgeous women like a magnet.

Try an art history class.

Or go to a classy "food fair" or restaurant opening.

Hit a yoga class or a kickboxing aerobics class.

Dance classes are also a big winner.

In other words, there are some great places you can go to meet women... AND have fun... AND become a more interesting, classy guy.

Who'd a thunk it?

More questions for the dating guru..Just sharing a quick story. The point is subtle, but it's made a difference for me more than once:

(Over instant messenger)
Me: OK, so how am I being mean again?
Her: Um, let me think...
Her: I don't know.
Her: Maybe mean isn’t the word I'm looking for.
Her: I think it's more that you do not adore me as much as others and that annoys me.

Translation: Obviously I don't really annoy her... or she wouldn't be turning down other men for me (she's an 8.5 looks). I just bust on her whenever she attempts to make me her Drooling Subservient Wuss Slave. (Be a man, get a woman.)

I do find it rather ironic that women spend so much time trying to turn us into wusses they then don't find attractive. It's not like us men go around trying to make supermodels eat ice cream and wear muumuu dresses...

M Chicago
My Comments

Man oh man... you've opened up a can of worms here.

I'll try to keep this short, but I can already tell that I'm going to be rambling. Get a drink for this one. We need to talk.

You have brought up a really important (and subtle) point about how women behave around men.

When you stop chasing after and kissing up to women, you will OFTEN hear things like "you're being mean" and "I'm upset, and I don't know why," etc.

And when you challenge women on this point, you'll find the REAL reason: Women get upset when they don't have CONTROL of a situation.

This is a paradox, as well... because women are usually feeling ATTRACTED to you at the same time they're saying these things.

A woman will test and challenge a man over and over, virtually on a continual basis... just to see if he's going to "crack" and reveal his Inner Wuss. This has been going on since the first human-like woman looked at the first human-like man and hinted that if he was interested in making babies that he'd better bring home some meat for her...

Women aren't TRYING to turn us into Wusses... on the contrary, they're trying to see if we actually ARE wusses and just PRETENDING not to be.

Get it?

When you realize this SUBTLE distinction, you are well on your way to learning to use The Force.

By the way, what's wrong with a supermodel in a muumuu eating ice cream?

Just think of it...

No more shopping at Bloomies for Chanel Hydrabase Lipstick in "Beige Mystique" for $22.00...

No more "Venti Skinny Two-Pumps-Of-Sugar-Free-Vanilla Half-Decaf" lattes...

No more "I want a BABY GREEN salad, no dressing, no croutons, no nothing... and a chocolate mousse...”

"Muumuus and ice cream" is the way, man.