A New York Times trend piece from January titled “The End of Courtship?” was exactly what a New York Times trend piece usually is: mostly correct, but sort of obvious, and about six months too late on the issue. Like, did you know that we don’t really go on dates anymore but merely, “hang out”? That’s right.

The article outlines out How Millennials Date Now, and it mostly thinks the way they do is bad. The days of “I’ll pick you up at 8:00 on Friday night” are long over for many, as now we can just text each other on a whim and say “Yo, sup? Wanna meet up?” The old Seinfeld bit comparing a date to a job interview hasn’t changed. Dates are weird, awkward endeavors, and we are mostly over them. You used to meet a girl and then you’d perhaps go on a date or get a drink and get to know her. Now the first date happens on social media. As such, here is a handy guide to navigating this steaming pile of texts, Facebook messages, tweets and Instagram likes.


We drive ourselves completely crazy trying to decode these messages. There are even entire websites dedicated to doing so. So pop quiz, hot shot: You get a girl’s phone number. What do you do? You text her, right? You probably throw out a "feeler."  Something like:

"Hey! I had fun last night."

"Yeah, me too!"

"LOLZ"

"We should hang out sometime and get a drink or whatever."

Now, I’m not going to tell you that texting is bad, but, like anything, there is a time and a place for it. There is a reason we don’t want to call anyone anymore. It’s an awkward ordeal. Texting is noncommittal.

You hear whispers of women wanting men to be more forward, but when many men (including me) try this, it often comes off as too aggressive. I asked a friend of mine about guys calling rather than texting, and she said it is indeed very much appreciated -- if she is interested. She further explained, “I’m usually looking for casual, so I don’t agree to dates sometimes because I don’t want to give them the wrong idea.”

All of this, of course, depends on what kind of person she is and who you are -- a call might be the thing that gets you the date. You are among a dying breed; you stand out from the rest. There is no hard and fast rule.

If you have successfully managed to 1) get a date and 2) have a great time on said date, what do you do? You must ask yourself: "Do I text her?" Again, this is not as simple as you would think. Some will say that, yes, throwing out a quick text after you drop her off at her place is kind of a cool move, especially if you know you both had a great time. But some will tell you this is too needy, too much. Just know that you had a good time and throw her a text the next day if you must.


Facebook

Many “dating experts” will tell you not to talk about your past too much on a first date. Well, guess what? She probably knows all about your past via your social media platforms. She knows that you have a couple of brothers from Facebook, and she knows that you spent last summer backpacking across Europe through Instagram. At the very least, she has pieced some of it together after she saw you oversharing on your Twitter feed and posting emotional GIFs to your Tumblr about breaking up with your ex. Maybe your old Facebook profile pictures are all of you and your ex. You know she creeped that shit.


The infamous scene from Swingers in which Jon Favreau’s character leaves several weird and increasingly desperate messages on a girl’s machine right after he met her at a bar isn’t something that would happen today. It does have its equivalent, however. Today Mike would probably get home, immediately add her to Facebook and then message the sh*t out of her about how nice it was to meet her. This is equally as bad as leaving messages but much easier to do. Just add her the next day and shoot her a message, or maybe post a funny YouTube video related to what you were talking about the night before. As with anything, take it slow and relax.
Twitter
Yes, Twitter is a great tool for communicating with the fairer sex, assuming you’re both that socially plugged in. DMs can be used, but you are limited to 160 characters. Just text each other instead. The best way to use Twitter is if you are a famous person, especially an athlete. You can basically assume that if any athlete is tweeting at cute girls, they have exchanged numbers via DM and will be hooking up the next time the Knicks swing through Miami.
Instagram
Here, things start to get a little more murky. People are now using Instagram more than Facebook to post revealing photos. It’s quick, it’s easy, it’s in the moment, and you get a very good sense of what people are into. Facebook has been around long enough that anyone with half a brain has locked down their account so that not just any bozo can snoop around. But people generally leave their Instagrams unlocked. In theory, you could follow and then strike up a conversation with a girl about plans for the weekend. At least be forward enough to step it up a little.
Snapchat
Snapchat, for those who don’t know, is an app that lets you text girls photos of your dick in the hope that they will send you back topless photos. To keep things private, the photos expire after a certain amount of time and the sender is notified if you screen grab. At least, this is what I assume is going on with Snapchat. You know what? If you’re using Snapchat “successfully,” this guide probably isn’t for you.
Friendster
You may as well just stop trying.